Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
