You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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