Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
