if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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