seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
