he wants to bone in the snuggie
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
50% drunk capacity currently
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry about my life...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
