I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
