um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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