Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
