That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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