textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
