I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
