he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
