If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Rumble strips road head = magical
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize