i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
