I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
