Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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