i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
