theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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