he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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