Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
