he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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