I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
