...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
