Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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