I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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