You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
