id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize