My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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