she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's never too late to be topless.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
