Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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