i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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