1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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