If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The struggles of a small town man whore
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
