It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there was a trapeze. enough said
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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