Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
