I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
