I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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