no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
