I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
