JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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