New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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