I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
