I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
