dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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