I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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