well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
