its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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