True but thats because hes a fetus.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
