you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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