He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize