grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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