What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
