I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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