I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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