All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
