I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
