NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
