My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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