Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your dad took our porno
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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