having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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