i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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