He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
