FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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