My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I have fence marks all over my body
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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